Thursday, June 3, 2010

What? I'm not pretty anymore you skinny bitch

I'm walking past the Coach store at the local mall today, I spot a skinny PYT (pretty young thing). I thought she was foreign so I got nervous. She quickly turned around and walked the other way. Now before you get mad at me for calling her "foreign", let me explain. Our mall is full of random kiosks operated by foreigners peddling their hair straigtening irons, fancy combs that make your hair look like you live in Hollywood, nail files that make your nails all shiny, hand lotion, fake hair pieces, you get the idea. If you make any sort of eye contact with these people they suck you in. I NEVER make eye contact with them, yet they still manage to jump out in front of me and in their barely able to speak english accent, ask me the last time I curled my hair or had my nails done. I always give them my best evil eye, say no thanks and run away while continuing to be chased by them until they give up and realize I don't want their shit. Okay, I totally got off the subject but I really hate those fuckers.

Anyways, back to walking by the Coach store. PYT is standing at her kiosk, she turns towards me, like she is going to ask me something and quickly walks away. Sweeeeeet I think to myself, I avoided her!!! I just knew she was going to try and massage my hand with her crappy lotion. But wait, she didn't have lotion, she has a sign at her booth, something about modeling. Then I hear her say to another PYT walking out of the Coach store, "Are you interested in modeling?" What, what, what, what??? Hey!!!! I used to be a PYT. So I had a kid, my boobs are like limp water balloons, my ass looks like it came straight out of Jersey, I might need a slight tummy tuck, a little Botox, maybe some Restalyne and a hell of a good plastic surgeon, but I was hot, once. That PYT took one look at me and turned away. It must have been the wet hair, that is not hot. Maybe it was my lack of makeup, also not hot. Maybe it was the fact that my bra strap was peeking out of my tank top or maybe it was my flabby arms. I think I need an uppper arm tuck too.

But, I had a KID last year, does that PYT even know what the hell I did today? I was up at 4:30 a.m. with a 15 month old who was ready to party, we watched cartoons, had breakfast (my kitchen floor wore most of it), I cleaned that kitchen floor, went on a 45 minute walk around the 'hood, came home, took a quick shower, packed our stuff for swimming lessons, loaded up the car, went to swimming lessons, lifted that 23 lb., 15 month old about 50 times up and down in that pool, got us both dressed after swimming and let me tell you dressing an active 15 month old is a workout, came home, cleaned my entire house, scrubbed two bathrooms, did 3 loads of laundry, took another shower, went to the mall to find the 15 month old Crocs (that is another post, Crocs, WTF?), did not get asked if I wanted to model by a PYT.

Wonder what PYT does with her spare time? Last night she probably went to the club, got drunk, went home with a random guy, woke up next to random guy, thought WTF am I doing and then went to the mall to ask other PYTs if they want to model. I'm starting to think she was a prostitute looking for other prostitutes and now I'm glad she didn't ask me if I wanted to "model".


Carey and Jon said...

This post just made me almost pee myself because I was laughing so hard...Cause ya know, bladder control these days isn't my strong point.

Now I have to go to the mall to see said PYT and see if I get asked if I want to model, HA!

Jen said...

I laughed my ass off at this post! OMG, so effing funny!

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I'm so glad I came across your blog, you're really funny :D!!! The last part is hilarious!
Lots of love,
Egyptian fan!