Sunday, December 28, 2008

More Things Nobody Tells You

Since becoming pregnant I have discovered many things that nobody tells you about, it is some sort of unspoken code of pregnancy. Maybe women think that if they tell you these things you would never have children or maybe women who have had children suddenly forget about all the uncomfortable, icky things that happen to their bodies during pregnancy because they see that beautiful baby and the memories leave their heads. Either way, here is my list of discoveries in no particular order (I'm sure I'll have more by the time this is all over):

1. Peeing: according to all my pregnancy books the frequent urination was supposed to get better in like the 4th or 5th month, total LIE, damn liars!!!!!! I pee all the time, although it could be because my baby is still very low and pushing on my bladder. I can look at it this way though, at least I might not experience that "drop" women talk about that causes their bladders to go into overdrive or I'll exprience that "drop" and have to wear Depends. Should I start cutting coupons for them??

2. Leaky Boobs: Serioiusly??? Is this preperation for what will be a breastfeeding nightmare?? I cried when I discovered this the other day and my husband cracked up laughing. He found this so funny. I on the other hand do not find it funny.

3. Constipation: I could write a chapter on this subject. When you go from being able to go every single day to strugging to go even once a week it can drive you to insanity. I even consume the same amount of Fiber One or All Bran cereal that I did pre-pregnancy and nothing!!! Today though I'm going on a search for something, anything that will help, prune juice, prunes, metamucil, bring it on!

4. Strugging to get out of bed: Since I pee so much and my nights, when I'm supposed to be sleeping are spent getting up 4 times a night to pee, I have noticed I have to roll out of bed. Yes, I'm rolling out of bed now. It is hot. Call me Shamu.

5. Getting off the couch: I used to love our furniture, big, soft, comfy, it is the kind of furniture you just sink into. Well, this kind of furniture is a pregnancy nightmare. I was considering telling Jeff we needed new furniture, that is how bad it is. At least Jeff helps me up when he is here. When he isn't here it is a complete riot to see me get off the couch, the dog is probably laughing inside at me as she witnesses this ridiculous event.

6. Shaving: Let me just say one thing, bending over is difficult, therefore I have been shaving my legs once every 3 weeks. I look like sasquatch. BUT, after an impromptu internal exam at the OB office this week due to spotting I have vowed to shave once a week now, no matter how hard it is, because you never know when an exam like this could pop up again. I'm sure my doctor has seen worse and she probably wasn't even looking at my legs but from the moment the nurse said undress from the waist down I wanted to run out of there in search for a razor.

7. Sleeping: Good luck because you won't get a good nights sleep, EVER! Between the peeing and being totally uncomfortable I can't sleep. I'm putting the Christmas gift from my MIL to good use today and buying a body pillow, among some other fun stuff for the baby at Kohls today with my gift card. This is why I was up at 4:45 a.m. on a Sunday, I just couldn't get comfortable so I said F it and got up.

8. Baby movement: I love feeling my baby move, it is awesome, but sometimes it feels like the movie Alien. I'm not lying, it does. I've been woke up by this alien like movement many times and let me tell you about it, F-R-E-A-K-Y. I swear the baby is trying to claw it's way out my side. Oh and don't forget that the baby will find itself perched on your bladder and make you feel like you have to pee but you really don't, it is just the baby using your bladder as a trampoline.

9. Husbands have no sympathy at times: I say, my back hurts, he says "I was so busy at work I'm too tired to rub your back." Don't get me wrong, I love Jeff, he is fabulous, but sometimes men just don't understand. I'd like to see an actual man go through a pregnancy. And I'm not talking about the she/he that just gave birth. I mean a real man, you know the kind of man that thinks he is dying if he has a tiny little head cold. Could you see a man 7 months pregnant doing half the stuff we do?? I mean I still cook every night, clean, do all the laundry, work all day, workout 4-5 times a week, etc... No wonder my back hurts all the time.

Despite all of these issues I have encountered I'd still get pregnant again because the end result will make it all worth it in the end. I'll probably go back to my blog in 3 or 4 months after the baby is here and go what was I talking about because seeing my baby will probably make me forget all of the crazy things that happen during a pregnancy.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

1. If I recall correctly, you drank enough water when you weren't pregnant to cause frequent urination, so I'm thinking this one is just part of who you are. The second trimester was better for me, and I had two of them wrestling for uterus real estate. I'm sure you'll be fine during your third trimester, but practice those Kegals now, missy.

2. Ah... nursing is a funny thing. Months after I quit, MONTHS, I had a conversation about nursing and my boobs ended up leaking. They have products to conceal this issue. Make use of them. :)

3. Are you taking prenatal vitamins? I couldn't because of this very issue. The extra iron was a killer. I drank apple juice and on rare occasions (you're gonna freak over this) a solitary beer.

4. Can't help with this one. Still doing it.

5. See #4. As I age, my knees don't really want to work anymore. My stepsister tells me this is an evolution problem and that many women have knee problems as an indirect result of pregnancy. Woo freaking hoo.

6. Have you tried one of those Intuition razors? The ones that don't require separate shaving lotion? That might help a bit, because you're getting it over in one step.

7. This is preparing you for the lack of sleep you'll get over the next 18+ years. Enjoy!

8. I felt like a freak show. I remember being at a party, playing cards when the boys got active. Months later, some strange girl approached me. She'd been at the party, too, and apparently I freaked her out. Good times...

9. Dare I say it? "At least you HAVE a husband." :)

Regardless of the above, I am sympathetic, but you're right... this will all pass, bazillions of women have done it since the beginning of time and it's totally worth it in the end. Remember that when labor starts, ok? :)