Hair Shorts

I was in the 6th grade, I was 12 years old.

I had the hairiest legs EVER.

It was getting warm and time for shorts, so I begged my mom to let me shave.

She agreed.

But, you never shave above the knees she says.

Actually she demands I never do this.

Why?

You will grow thick, black hair back if you shave above the knee.

She scared me shitless.

I would not shave this area.

I was so excited to pick out my first razor.  I chose this little gem.

It was all the rage in my copy of Teen Magazine.

This razor would not cut your skin.  Perfect for a first time shaver.

What they don't tell you is, it also doesn't take the hair off either.

I also wanted shaving gel or cream, my mom said that was useless.  Use a bar of soap she tells me.  At the time we used this kind of soap.

Only the most drying soap you can possibly buy.

I proceed to attempt to shave my legs with Safeguard soap and a Flicker razor.

Failure.

So my mom busts out one of these, it is what she uses.

I now shave with Safeguard soap and a single blade Bic Classic razor.

Awesome.

No wonder I broke out in a rash.

My older cousin who lived behind us and enjoyed poking fun at my sister and I, lost it when he heard I shaved.

He then proceeded to make fun of the fact that my legs had a weird line of division at the top of my knee.

He said, you look like you are wearing hair shorts.

Hair Shorts!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I cried.

It took some convincing, but my mom finally let me shave above my knees.

Guess what?

I never did grow thick, black hair above my knees when the hair grew back.

WTF MOM?????!!!!!!

Enter my 10 year old sister.

Who is apparently a gorilla.

She begs my mom to let her shave because I did.

I gotta defend her though, her legs were REALLY hairy.

My mom wouldn't let a 10 year old shave her own legs though.

So she grabs the Safeguard, a pack of Bic Classic single blade razors and takes my sister out to the backyard.

She proceeds to gather a bucket, the garden hose and a lawn chair.

Oh yes, she shaved my sister's legs in the backyard.

This was quite the sight.

I wonder what the neighbors thought.

My mom still thinks if you shave any part of your body that isn't meant to be shaved the hair will grow back thick and black.

I just had a Dermaplane done on my face.

She was pissed.

She said I'd grow a beard when the hair grew back.



I'll let you know if I look like the cave men in the Geico commercials when my peach fuzz grows back.