Friday, September 14, 2012

Inquiring Minds: One and Done

My friend directed me to a blog recently where the blogger discussed being "One and Done"

If you don't know what that means, it means, having an only child.

I find it funny that the moment you get married people start asking you when you are having kids.

As if marriage = kids.

I find it even more humorous that once you have your first kid people then start asking where #2 is and so on.

When I tell people we are only having one kid I get a lot of mixed reactions and almost all of them are negative.

Here are just a few:

"Only kids are weird"

I know plenty of only children who are NOT weird, here are a few famous folks who are only children: Charles Lindbergh, Betty White, Alicia Keys, Brooke Shields, Charlize Theron, Chelsea Clinton, Condoleeza Rice, Oprah Winfrey, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Karem Abdul-Jabbar, LeAnn Rimes, Laura Bush, Nancy Reagan, Walter Cronkite...Just to name a few.  Full list here.

"Don't you want your son to have a built in friend"

I don't think reproducing just to have a built in friend for my child is an amazing reason to have #2, at all.  I know plenty of siblings who despise each other and are NOT good friends.  Not saying that kids don't grow up being friends, but just because you have more than one kid doesn't automatically mean they will like each other or be BFFs.

"Davis wants a baby brother or sister"

Last time I checked Davis just wanted to play Angry Birds Space.

"He is going to be a spoiled brat"

I know a lot of kids who are spoiled brats and have multiple siblings.  Being a spoiled brat has nothing to do with being an only child.

My husband and I have many, many reasons for not jumping to have a second child.  Here are just a few, starting with the most important:

1. Davis DID NOT sleep until he was over 2 years old.  And I don't mean he just woke up for a few minutes here and there.  I mean, full on, up all night from 11 p.m. until 7 a.m.  He just didn't sleep, ever.  Can you imagine going over 2 years with almost no sleep?  For those of you think think, oh, she is being a whiner, then you can suck it. This is no joke, my son didn't sleep at all. I felt like I lived in the twilight zone for over 2 years.  It was very difficult and I'd never wish it on anyone. I don't think I could live that again.

2. We'd like to provide Davis with opportunities we didn't have.  My husband grew up very poor and he hated strugging to have things like food, clothes, etc...  He doesn't want that for Davis.  Not that we struggle at all, but we'd like to do some things for Davis that we probably couldn't do if we had 2 kids. For example, we'd like to possibly send Davis to a private school and we are saving so we can have enough money to pay for his college education.  If we had more than one kid those things would be more difficult.

3. My husband was diagnosed with MS, that is self explanitory.

4. I personally am enjoying life with one child. Call it selfish, but we are in a good place, things are easy and I'm having fun.  I am at a point now where I see my friends with their babies and think, they are cute but there is no way.  That is how I know I'm done.

I often wonder when people will stop asking me when we are having another child.  When Davis is 20 perhaps?


Emily said...

They'll never stop. People keep asking when we're having a third (answer: never fucking ever). I wanted to be done after the first one because I had a miserable experience and didn't really enjoy motherhood. Unfortunately for me, one slipped past the goalie. The boys are friends now, but that's a stupid reason to have a second kid.

Wrestling Kitties said...

Oh, I hear you on this!

We just celebrated Henry's first birthday and people keep asking us if we are going to have another....better do it soon.

Um, can we just enjoy the fact that we are through the first year and enjoy our child now that he is now doing stuff?! Can we please get back to some normalcy in our life? Can my husband and I actually go out of the house now and focus on US again? Can we just enjoy this time?! Can I finally work on getting my body back and feeling good about myself after two years?

We haven't decided yet if we are having another child. We will not even think about it until Henry is two. But we are leaning towards no as my husband will be 40 next year and is just graduating college and he isn't sure he wants to go through this first year of having a baby again when he is trying to get his life in order. He had to take a year off school, is working at nights (so we hardly see each other) and it has just been stressful. We both agree Henry is a blessing and we LOVE our family NOW. Like you, we want to be able to provide him with things like great vacations, school, other things that we didn't always get.

It is not selfish at is being smart. People seem to not always act responsibly when it comes to having kids and it upsets me when people say things like you are the idiot because you only want one.

I doubt people will ever stop as people always seem to know what is best for you. sigh

(P.S. how is your husband, if you don't mind me asking? My mom as diagnosed with MS in 2000 but was being tested due to symptoms but un-diagnosed for 7 years before. Is he taking meds? Hope he is doing well. I also have a friend who is 25 and she has it. I can't believe how many more people are being affected by this....and young people at that.)