Trapped

I'm so happy I have some hope that my problem will be fixed.

But I can't help feeling as if I've been trapped in a nightmare.

If I didn't have this problem and I heard someone talk about it, I know what I would think.

It is all in your head.

YOU.ARE.CRAZY

The thing is, I'm not crazy.

This is a REAL health problem.

It is devastating.

I've reached a point in it where I almost cannot take anymore, which is why I finally sought out help from a doctor.

If I had no hope for fixing this problem I honestly cannot imagine living the remainder of my life this way.

I know that going pee over 25 times a day doesn't sound like it would be horrible, I mean, it isn't cancer, I'm not dying.

But it is horrible.

Imagine if you always had constant awareness of your bladder.

Imagine if your life revolved around finding the next bathroom.

Imagine not even being able to shop for an hour without using the bathroom twice.

Imagine not being able to take your child to a park to play because it is just far to much work to stop his or her play so mommy can go use the bathroom every 30 minutes.

Imagine having a fear of traveling long distances in a car because you know you will have to stop numerous times to find a bathroom.

Imagine not even being able to enjoy the gym, running, etc... anymore because 5 minutes into bouncing around your bladder whacks out and doesn't allow you to continue.

Imagine purposely dehydrating yourself to avoid frequent bathroom use.

Imagine not sleeping anymore because of your frequent nighttime trips to the bathroom. 

Yes, I managed to live with this problem for 8 years, I can't believe I let it go on so long, but I was embarrassed and I was young and I thought I was just crazy, it was in my head or that I was imagining all of it.

It wasn't until last summer that things got so bad that I knew I couldn't ignore the problem anymore.  I used to only get up once a night to pee, then all of a sudden it turned into 5 times a night, just like that.  Sometimes I think that it is worse than being up with a newborn all night, at least then you are taking care of an innocent, sweet, baby and not some crazy, irritated bladder.

It looks like my trial device will be implanted on April 3, I should have confirmation of this date by today, hopefully.

I'll have it for 4 days and go back on April 6 to have it removed.

What a tease, right?

If that trial period works and I exprience bladder freedom for a few days I am going to be so sad to have it removed and then have to wait another 2 weeks for a permanent one.  But to be honest, if it means freedom for the rest of my life, I can wait 2 weeks, that is nothing.

I cannot wait to not feel TRAPPED anymore.